Feeling sleepy

After the exertions of the weekend - stop it - I felt just a little too tired. After a long day at work I couldn't face it. I know I should but I just couldn't. Anyway, I will train tomorrow - I promise.

It really was a most pleasing race yesterday. I'm so pleased with how I ran yesterday. It's given me a much needed mental boost - and boy have I got some mentalness to boost.

Thought for the day: Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut, that held its ground.

I like them pigs

Well that was a nice surprise. I honestly didn't think I would go as fast as I did. I was only 7 seconds slower than last year but considering my lack of training mileage I'm really quite chuffed. I don't think it will take much work before I'm totally back up to strength - providing I can actually get myself out for some longs runs - those miles ain't gonna run themselves - if only someone could invent that, they'd be a millionaire.

I finished lower down the field today than last year on the same time so I guess that means the field was stronger. I believe I was 16th but I am honestly very pleased with that and I stayed the distance pretty well until about 11 miles - far further into the race than I feared at the start. Again, the race went off without a hitch so thanks to the Hogweed Trotters for putting on a great little race, The Hogweed Hilly Half IV. I might even train a bit for next years race...

Well done to Graham Grew, haven't seen him in a while but he clocked 1:33 and well done to Mark D clocking somewhere around 1:37 and seven or eight minutes quicker than last year - he's looking in good form for the Welsh Castles relay.

Thought for the day: Face what you think you believe and you will be surprised.

On the up again...

Well that went better. I tried to get myself into the zone before the race - not sure I totally managed it but I did go a lot better. For the first time in a while I went up quite strongly - came down like a girl, mind - no disrespect intended - there are some bloody tough girls out there. What with all the rain and me being a speccy git I couldn't see s#@t and just had to err on the side of caution - just this once mind you.

Anyway, I feel more optimistic about the Hogweed Hilly half. I reckon I might go quite well - as long as this bloody rain lets up a bit. Damn you Michael Fish.

Well done to Helen F on another win - just a bit dissappointing for her that due to the weather the course was shortened thus ruling out a course record attempt - which, on current form, she would have got easy.

And on a final note I think I finished 6th overall in the Winter Series, just one place behind that damned Helen F...

Got out and did it

Managed to get my fat, sloppy arse off the sofa and out for a run - there's a first. I even managed to go the full distance. In fact, slightly over distance, weighing in at 10.5 miles and 1,000 feet of ascent up over Dundry and far away - well, not that far but far enough.

I started off running like a tub of lard. I just didn't feel smooth or flowing. After about forty minutes I finally started to get a bit of rhythm. Where the first forty minutes where hard work, uncomfortable and if I'm honest, totally forgettable, the last thirty five where an absolutely joy. OK, perhaps that's taking it a bit far but it was good to feel as though I was running properly again - long may that feeling continue.

I feel 100 per cent better about this Saturday's race now. I'm quite looking forward to it now - almost as much as other activities...

Thought for the day: Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes - that way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes!

Well I didn't make it

I was all set for a brilliant evening of sport and entertainment - say no more - but then my waters broke - working for the water company as I do - and I had to divert into work. That pretty much put an end to training. There were two things I thought could have caused the problem - and neither to do with me - but because I had made some changes earlier in the day I couldn't be 100% sure it wasn't my fault so into the car and off I went. But as I suspected, it was suspect number one on my list of likely causes - a power cut - and bugger all to do with me. Oh well, that's life. Those who hold the power of water, the very essence of life, in their fingers must shoulder the burden with grace and honour - with great power comes great responsibility...

Still, it's not all bad news - I still have the entertainment and I might even get some training done tomorrow...

Thought for the day: To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Out to lunch

No time, no training - but I was out to lunch - nothing new there then. It was more out to dinner really. I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't find the time to get some training in but it just means I'll have to try extra hard tomorrow at the track. Then I promise, promise, promise to run a longer one on Thursday. I must, least I fail and die - OK, that's a bit dramatic but I really must.

Thought for the day: A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

Building bridges...

and mending fences. What's a man supposed to do on a bank holiday Monday? Why, diy of course. So after a trip to the shops - yawn - I travelled to the local diy store to pick up some stuff - I think that's the technical term.

And so, at 12:30 the construction began - well, no it didn't. I might have said this already so forgive me if you will, but a few weeks ago some of the nice, helpful lads that reside in my neighbourhood decided that burning down my back fence would be a bloody good idea and a great help to me [angry glare to camera].

Before I could start constructing I had some demolition to do first - where did I put the dynamite by the way? Just kidding. And before I could start the demolition I had to fight my way through the rather overgrown area at the back garden that is my massive wild rose. After about half an hour's action with the machete and many cuts to the hands and legs - from the thorns not the machete - I haven't really got a machete by the way - I appeared at the edge of my territory - or the back fence as some call it - or, rather more accurately, the location of where my once mighty barrier stood before the great fire.

Cutting to the chase, I banged a bit here, I banged a bit there - it's bloody good fun banging - the old sledge hammer, you should try it - and four hours from whence I began, my shiny new fence was complete. Only it isn't shinny on account that it's made from wood. And after all that I was so thoroughly knackered that I couldn't face training - oh well, always tomorrow...

Thought for the day: Don't look for the light at the end of the tunnel, go light it yourself.

Very tiring

I made it up to Ashton Court for an hour's run - but was I ever tired. Even the slightest of inclines caused a problem. On the bright side, at least it didn't rain while we were out.

There was no Rick today but some of the old suspects were back on parade, namely Mark D and Graham C. Plus we had Sean, Helen and me makes five. Graham was showing us how it should be done. He powered away by the end leaving the rest of floundering in his wake.

I'm hopeful to make tomorrow's session on the Downs - if there is one. I guess I should find out shouldn't I? But if I do then I'll have no excuse not to go...

Thought for the day: You can't fall off the floor.

You're not supposed to use your head...

...well why didn't anyone tell me that before the start!

And so it was, up bright and early, off we set to the edge of Snowdonia for the Ras Yr Aran fell race. Arriving in time for a short warm up I collected my race number and then headed to the start. I felt good but that, alas where it all went wrong.

The race was cut short on the advice of Yogi Bear - I'm the park ranger - Hey there, Boo Boo. Instead of 10+ in turned out to be 6ish - because conditions were felt to be too treacherous across the top ridge. Better to be safe than sorry. The race went off safely which is always good and it was nice to see the snow again but it didn't some to much. Alas, in the race, I struggled. In amongst the snow and ice at the top I found it tough going. Others in the race, namely HF, seemed to cruise effortlessly - swine.

I lost loads of places on the ascent but gained a few back on the descent - which was tricky to say the least. About half way back down I lost it and for five seconds before the 'incident' I knew the 'incident' was unavoidable. I'm pretty good going down. Reckless - yes - but also poised and graceful - the hell I am, but I usually stay on my feet - in some haphazard form. Anyway, this time I didn't in style. In those five seconds, timed slowed until I decided the best course of action was to use my head as a buffer, to slow me down. That worked well - apart from the massive bump and slight grogginess. I lost my glasses and more importantly my bright yellow hat. All ended well as I found it all. Regained my feet and piled on down the hill. Gaining a few more places before hitting the finish in a very poor 43rd place. Oh, well, there's always the next race...

Well done to Helen for 14th overall and obviously first woman by some margin. A cracking performance, representative of her current good form.

Off to Ashton Court tomorrow - hopefully - with some vinegar and brown paper for my head.

Thought for the day: If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it.

Not the best nurse

Didn't manage any running today - had other things more interesting things to do - including being the worst veterinary nurse the world has ever seen. Yes, if I ever need a change of career, a veterinary nurse will not be it - well, not if I want to earn any money. I very nearly feinted during a routine triple eyelid-leglump-earscrapectomy. As I helped out I could feel my temperature rising and my blood pressure dropping. Within seconds I was gracefully finding my way to the floor - I didn't completely feint - but it wasn't far off - although, others might motion a different opinion on events. The colour drained from my face - or so I'm told - and that,my friends, was the end of my career as a veterinary nurse.

Anyway, onto matters running. It looks like being pretty windy and chilly tomorrow up in Snowdonia for the Ras yr Aran fell race. It's going to be my first race in the Snowdonia National Park and I'm looking forward to it. There is a possibility of low visibility for the race - so it might be the first race where my navigational skills are tested. Hopefully I will cope OK...

Thought for the day: Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.

It feels like Friday

I know it's only Thursday but it feels like a Friday - which is great.

Today is a rest day - of sorts [winks to camera]. I'm going to try and get out for an easy half hour jog tomorrow. Nothing too energetic, just a loosener before the Ras yr Aran fell race on Saturday. I've checked, double checked and triple checked the time and date because I don't want to go all that way only to find I've missed it - not that I'm paranoid - well, not too paranoid anyway.

Not sure how much time I will find to write the blog but you know I'll try my best...

Thought for the day: Always be a first rate version of your self instead of a second rate version of someone else.

Tiring training at the track

I managed to get myself out for my third training session in a row and fourth straight day - but boy was I tired. There was no Nick or Harry tonight but the ever regular Bruce and Sean together with Rick - goes without saying - carried the flag and a surprise visit from the speed king that is Tim.

We ran twenty 200's with a 100 jog recovery. Conditions were near perfect - just a shame my legs weren't. I struggled, and struggled big time. By the eighth I was ragged - and slowing fast. By the tenth I was finished - and finished in a big way. Still, I'm getting back. Perhaps three sessions back to back is a bit ambitious at this stage - even for the mad runner. I don't regret trying though. You have to push the boundaries if you want to improve and now I've got the fire back I'm sure as heck not going to let the flame go out. The lads completed the full session and I could tell they'd worked hard, so well done to them.

Anyway, with the track season fast approaching and a few minutes of rest I decided to embark on a bit of hurdling - got to be ready for May 3rd and the first of my 400m hurdle races - if I get the nod that is, can't take anything for granted. We might actually get some decent hurdles in the B team - but I doubt it.

I set out three hurdles and ran them five times. On each successive attempt I was able to run at the hurdle faster - that is to say, I didn't stutter and slow down into the hurdles with each successive attempt. It's all looking good - well, OK, looking good is probably - make that definitely - the wrong word but I get over them clean and as long as I can keep the speed up I'll go OK. I really want to try hone my technique - read, get some technique.

So that's it for tonight and in fact until Saturday when I take part in Ras yr Aran up in Snowdonia. It's probably about five mile too long for me at the moment but I've got to start somewhere.

Thought for the day: The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.

Eight up, forty five across...

...the co-ordinates for my secret hideout - you've got to laugh, haven't you? Ok, maybe not.

Meanwhile, back in the real world, I managed to get out for some more hill reps. Same time and place as last Tuesday but this time I aimed for eight - and got them - well, slap my thigh and call me Ronald.

Like last week I felt a bit dizzy after the eighth but I completed and that's the important thing. I'm going to just keep coming, there's going to be no stopping me now.

I headed back to the gym to finish with a good 45 minutes on the cross country bike setting. It felt OK but I didn't push it too hard - no point it breaking myself - not now I'm coming back to form. All I need now is a tall ship and star to steer her by - losing it again, must .. hold .. on - all I need is a few long runs and I'll be as chipper as a lumberjack in women's clothing.

Right, I'm off to lie down to try and maintain my grasp on reality...

Thought for the day: The mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work unless it’s open.

Mental boost

I finally managed to get out for a Monday training session after a Sunday race - yippee - no, really, non-sarcastic - yippee. I haven't really managed that of late - or even not of late - but I did tonight.

My legs felt OK during the day today. In fact, they felt so OK that I'm starting to doubt that I really ran as hard as I could have yesterday. I honestly felt I was on the edge yesterday but maybe... I don't want to think about that, the possibility that I might have been able to push myself more, still it was a good performance anyway. I'd like to believe that it's down to my slightly more focused training during the last week or two - coupled with my new secret weapon...

Anyway, we ran some k reps up on the Downs. Sean was there, as was Tim and Rick, of course. They ran six while I ran four. My quads did ache a little after the fourth so I wisely decided to stand down. I'm pleased with the effort though because I was about as quick as the last time we ran this session two weeks ago and I felt I wasn't pushing on the limit tonight so to be around about as quick was good - I hasten to add that I wasn't pushing to the limit because of yesterday's race.

I'm intending to try for some hill reps tomorrow but I can't promise. All in all today's been a good mental boost for me - shows I'm still on the road to Mandalay - I mean peak performance.

Thought for the day: A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.

Iron will

I managed to get myself to the race on time - and on the right day - things were looking up from the off.

The weather had somewhat water logged the course - the more the mud, the more the fun - well not in my bloody book! Even so, I guess more mud should be to my advantage as I still believe that I'm running strong - if not long.

For those who haven't run the Ironwood Challenge, it's a great sixish mile, mainly off road race with a fair few climbs - go on, try it next year. You'll like it - I promise - OK, maybe I won't promise but go on, give it a go.

So, how was it? Bloomin' brilliant. I ran 3 minutes quicker than last year. Last year was dry so that's doubly brill. Where did I finish? wait for it, wait for it... 4th place - the new pre-race routine worked a treat...

Off now to chill for the rest of the day and then I reckon an easy Monday session is in order. I'm definitely on my way back...

Thought for the day: Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

Inter-County-nental

It was a day trip up north for me today to the delights of the Inter-Country Cross Country Championships. There were some really fine races with fast runners a plenty. I walked a few miles but didn't run any but then I've got the Ironwood Challenge tomorrow so that's OK isn't it? I hope so.

Anyway, there were some good performances from local athletes and special mention to HF for a grand top fifty finish. In a strong field that's a cracking result.

Toodle-pip for now...

Thought for the day: If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

Coming back at ya

After a late start to work (raises eyebrow to camera) and a knock on late finish I didn't manage to get out for the medium run that was planned. The weather was a bit pants so in a way I was quite pleased - I am such a wuss.

Anyway, I determined to break my bike pb at the gym - no easy feat after two back to back hard sessions.

So did I do it? I'm guessing because I've asked the question, you'd be guessing (that's a lot of guessing) that I did - and you'd be right - but in what fashion? I fair destroyed my previous with my biggest single improvement - 3 per cent. I am buzzing - and not just from the gym...

They always come along in 3's

There was no Rick tonight - work commitments - but it was a good turn out from the lads and ladesses; Sean, Nick, Harry, Bruce and Helen. After my escapades of yesterday I wasn't sure I could manage tonight but I had some good news before the session and I think that carried me through where the body was lacking.

We ran twelve 300's with a sharp 60 second recovery. After six we jogged a lap. It was chilly and a strong wind in the home straight - which we tactically avoided by starting our reps at the right point. Some may say we bottled it but I prefer to say we managed the course wisely - OK, we bottled it.

Anyway, I ran nice and consistent(ish) with times; 51, 55, 54, 53, 54, 55, 53, 54, 53, 53, 53 and a final 52. I felt a bit sick during the last couple but I held on well. There's no way I could muster any more so in a way I paced the session spot on.

I think we all ran consistent tonight. The lads all seemed to finish around about the same distance ahead of me on each rep - we can all pat ourselves on the back.

All I need to do now is enjoy the rest of the evening - I'm sure I'll find something to do...

Thought for the day: It's better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

Looks like I made it

That's right, I made it out for a run.

I decided I wanted to do hill reps tonight. I haven't done any focused hill stuff for ages - in fact, I don't think I've run a hill session this year! So after a long stint at work, I finally made it to the gym by about half six. Five minutes later, wearing nothing but my skin tight body suit, I headed out to them thar hills.

I wanted to start back easy so I only did six, two minutes efforts up a fairly steep hill with a 2 minute jog back down. I hasten to add that six was all I was attempting - after all, I didn't want to cause too much of a shock to the system. Not that six was in any way easy for me. I ran hard and by the fourth I was beginning to feel sick at the finish. After the sixth I practically keeled over but after I recovered I realised it felt good - the inner smile returned - not that the inner smile hasn't been with me lately - I've had the inner smile for weeks now.

So after that I headed into the gym for, you guessed, a session on the bike. Not wanting to do myself in I only managed 45 minutes but boy was that a hard 45 minutes. My legs felt so weak and I was way down on my best but plenty above my worst so I'm happy.

Then it was onto the weights for an abs, biceps, triceps, shoulders and chest work. I finally made it home by quarter to nine. Totally knackered but totally satisfied with a good days work - now all I need is some play...

Thought for the day: When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

I made it

It was the Downs-Portway loop tonight with a twist - we ran it in reverse - naughty. It makes for a good Bridge Valley Road finish that way round - and boy was I finished.

My quads were still painful to the touch tonight. There's a simple cure for that I've been informed - stop bloody touching them then - and you know what, that seemed to do the trick - who'd have thought? The soreness didn't seem to hold me back though - which was nice.

We put in the 3k(ish) effort along the Portway section. Sean pulled away, to lead Rick and then me, back to the traffic lights. Rick had me timed at about 11:20, which is a fine effort for me - especially with my slightly dodgy pegs - in fact, I think that's the fastest I've been along there. I have to admit I was really trying tonight and held it together well in the last kilometre.

Anyway, I'm going to try and get out for another run/cycle tomorrow night and then the track on Wednesday - and that's a promise - the track, that is, not the run/cycle. I could never promise the run/cycle but I will do my best to summon the will for it.

Thought for the day: Who tastes dog food when it has a 'new & improved' flavour?

PS What a great weekend

Rock my world

From my gps I clocked up about 12k yesterday on the mountain - that's almost as much as the racers - which is good because otherwise I would have no excuse as to why my legs are absolutely sha#*ed today. My quads are terrible.

I went for a walk today, over in the Wye valley, instead of training. What a cracking day for it - nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more. Covered about eight miles at a leisurely pace and about 1,500ft. Got a great view - stop it - across the valley from up on that rock thing at Symonds Yat.

Boo, back to work tomorrow.

I fully intend some training this week - honest, really, I do. I've got to get in shape for my next race, the Iron Wood Challenge, next Sunday.

Thought for the day: Inner Strength - when you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains.

Silecroft and the lucky pebble

Make of that one what you will...

I managed a bit of running today up at the Black Combe Fell Race. This year it was the first of six English Championship fell races - I hasten to add I wasn't running in the race, only spectating - they don't want the likes of me lowering the tone - only kidding. It's an enter before the day event with limited places so I left it to the proper runners.

I jogged come walked quickly to the second check point to watch the first runners through, then I headed over to six to follow the course in reverse down to check point five. It was blowing a massive gale and visibility was practically zero - but you know me and my technology - the old gps came up trumps and I was in perfect control of my direction.

Anyway, I did a bit of cheering at check point five before making the climb - and it was a biggy - back to check point six before running on amongst the racers - but keeping out of their way I hasten to add - to the finish. To add to the gloom in the last ten minutes while I was on the mountain the rain came down - booo.

It was a great trip up north and I'm looking forward to many more...

Well done to Helen F for second place - her best result in an English Championship race - kick starting her campaign in style.

Thought for the day: Inner Strength is when you can take criticism and blame without resentment.

Into the darkness

Just a short one today. I'm heading up North to the land of hilly bits so I will almost certainly be into radio dark zone. I'm going to watch the Black Combe fell race and maybe do a little running around myself. I shall see how goes it.

Thought for the day: Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination - so lets all be mad.

No regrets

I didn't manage to get out and train tonight. After an excellent start to the day - and I mean excellent - I found my way to work by ten. Then it all went swimmingly - well, maybe not that good, but to suffice to say I was getting praise from those I was working with. So, as I was on a roll, I decided to keep on going and finally headed home at quarter past six - at which time I was thoroughly knackered. I hadn't stopped all day - and that includes missing lunch.

Anyway, I am so looking forward to the weekend when I hope to do a bit of running but if I don't? who cares, it's going to be an ace weekend anyway - top notch.

Thought for the day: It is time for us all to stand and cheer for the doer, the achiever - the one who recognizes the challenge and does something about it.

Calf hearted

I didn't have the greatest session tonight - I was a bit tired from an afternoon on the job. Really though, it was my calves. They just started to tighten up and I wasn't prepared to risk them. I want to try for a longer run tomorrow after work so I need them fit for action.

So onto tonight. We ran a session of eight 500's with 90s jogged recovery. It was great to see both Nick and Harry - yes, I did say Harry - back in the fold - and I have to say, looking good value. Sean, as ever, was off the front while Bruce, Helen and me - sadly, in that order, held up the rear - ooh er. I only managed six in an around 1:37/8's. The rest of the gang all looked in good form. I had to intersperse my session with a one lap jog to try and relieve the calves - it didn't work and after the sixth I called it quits. Better to rest and return to fight another day than lose the battle before the war has begun.

Sean, Bruce and Rick finished off with three or four 200's - that Sean is fast becoming a mad man - good fellow.

Thought for the day: Good health is a blessing that allows a person to experience and enjoy life.

Making your mind up

You gotta speed it up - but then there's no way I'm gonna slow it down after that.

Just couldn't make my mind up today. Do I go for a run? or do I hit the bike? - with a hammer - just kidding. Such decisions should not be made lightly. The outcome of the great cosmos could depend upon the correct choice. The very future of mankind could depend upon taking the right path...

Well, maybe not. In the end I just couldn't make the choice - so I did nothing. I just went home and put my feet up.

... Did I f#$k - being the mentalist such as I am, I did both of course!

I went for a 35 minute tempo through the trails around Ashton Court and surrounding woodland before heading into the gym for the full hour on the bike. And you know what? No, OK then, I'll get my coat...

Seriously, I racked up my third best effort on the bike - ever. My quads were screaming surrender. My calves where waving the white flag but I powered on through the pain and out the other side. A great end to a day that began with an early wake up call at 6:30. Not sure I'm going to be in great shape for tomorrow's track session but I'll give it a go.

Thought for the day: Even the wisest mind has something yet to learn.

K-rrific

Another day, another session. I'm making a determined effort to put in some decent training - at least for the next day or two.

Tonight it was kilometer reps up on the Downs with Rick, Sean, Tim and Mike T. We ran six out and back reps with 90s recovery. The odd numbered reps were slightly downhill - so obviously the evens were uphill. I ran OK. Not great but OK. I'm feeling the lack of training though. My times - for those who care - and in fact for those that don't - were 3:15, 3:26, 3:13, 3:13, 3:13 and 3:20. I should say at this point that Rick, Mike and I ran a slightly short measure while Sean and Tim put in the full monty - bit cold for it tonight.

Overall, I'm pleased with the session. It's nice to be finding the enthusiasm to get out there and do it - Saturday was just the kick up the behind I needed.

I run on - I run on to win.

Thought for the day: The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do.

The seven deadly runners

There were seven of us up at Ashton this morning. It's good to see Mark D running again - he's getting in trim for an assault on Precinct 13 - I mean Drovers, leg 13 of the Welsh Castles Relay - go on Mark, you know you want to...

We ran for 1 hour and 1 minute at a nice leisurely pace. A perfect little run to get yesterday out of the legs. It was windy but once in amongst the trees it was very pleasant.

Tomorrow I intend to head to the Downs for Rick's session. My new Nemesis, Mike T, may also be calling in - I shall have to try and psych him out in training before the next Bridge in a few months time...

Thought for the day: Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

Three in a row...

Yes, that's the third race in a row that I have been beaten by a girl - it's habit that I really want to break - but on the current form of said girl, that's likely to be a tough ask - still, where there's life there's a chance.

It was good conditions today at the Llanthony fell race apart from the stiff breeze but it was the same for everyone so mustn't grumble. It was a new course this year on account of land permissions etc. Turned into a straight up and down, although the down was a bit more technical than normal.

I was beaten today, by the better runner. I don't think I ran badly - I think I will score towards 90 - which is about as good as I go and I made the top ten in eighth or ninth. It's just that the girl scored higher. I'm not going to admit how much faster, suffice to say that, for example - and this is only as an example - being beaten by 1 minute and 25s on a three mile course is an utter, utter thrashing. Now, that is just an example mind - it is - really, just an example. Not real. I couldn't be beaten by that amount - that would be ridiculous - wouldn't it?...

Well done to Helen F for another fine victory in the women's race and sixth overall.

Thought for the day: Everyday you set a new PB - for number of consecutive days you've stayed alive.