Thursday, October 13, 2011

Shopping Lessons...

Yes, after another sloooow check-out at the supermarket, I've decided to offer my services to the local store. Tonight I witnessed a myriad of school boy errors at the checkout. Why put all the soft, squiggy stuff on the conveyor first? You know with that amount of junk food in your trolley its going to get crushed by those crates of shandy. Then, forgetting to bring your re-usable bags - you do have re-usable bags don't you? Think of your children you wasteful planet killer. School boy. Then generally taking f^&%ing ages to actually put your shopping into all of those 36 plastic bags - you do have opposable thumbs I assume?

Now, supermarket shopping is one area of life where we can learn from Hitler. His Blitzkrieg technique into Poland is what we should all be aiming for when we do our weekly shop. What we're looking for is in, shop and out. Optimum route. Nothing else will do. No dilly dallying back and forth. Planning. Planning. Planning. Know what you want. Plan your route through the store to get it - ooh matron, damn it, not now, don't start -  no doubling back. Then, goods trollied, get your ass over to the check out. Now think, what order should you load your bags? Think, plan and load the conveyor. Then open up all your re-usable bags before you begin to load up and go go go, red leader. Mind, we don't want any fumbling at the death, now, do we? - yes, locate your club card before you head in to the store - that's right, it isn't going to do you any good languishing in the bottom of your handbag is it? You know you need it so get it ready and be ahead of the game. There we go again, thinking and planning, not really too complicated. Finally, splash the cash and get the hell out. Simple.

I reckon, with my assistance and guidance to teach optimal shopping for beginners, I could save the supermarkets a fortune - and earn myself a tidy sum in the process for my efficiency saving fees and save the public about half a lifetime in saved time - think of all the extra time you'll have to drink all that shandy. It's win win. Everyone wins...